After a hellacious night of wrestling warfare in Helsinki this past weekend at the biggest yearly event in Finnish professional wrestling, I found myself losing … and losing big!

I entered the event with my head held high, a dual-champion, representing both Britain and Japan. However, after the dust had settled, I left the ring dejected, having lost both the BWA Catchweight title to Valentine, as well as the WNC championship to Bernard Vandamme. To add salt to my wounds, I also lost the services of my wife, Miss D, as my ringside valet, since the stipulation in the match with Valentine was that should I lose the match (and BWA title), my wife’s career would also be on the line. In other words, FCF Wrestling’s Talvisota VIII was a royal flush for me … right down the proverbial shitter.

Firstly, the long-awaited Stretcher Match that I had with Valentine was a war that I gladly accepted and looked forward to. After the match, his face was marred and his front tooth chipped, after all that he and his Bättre Folk cohorts instigated against my wife and I over the past year. This was a bittersweet revenge for me, and although I lost the match, which could only end in a pinfall, I gained my measure of retribution. Valentine used a foreign object, which I heard were brass knuckles, on my ribs, and in the end, threw salt into my eyes before nailing his Code Breaker finsiher to pin me down for the win. After I was able to shake the stinging from my eyes, I paid Valentine back in spades, piledriving him three times – two of those head-first on a steel chair. Valentine was carted out of the ring with his newly-acquired BWA title draped unceremoniously across his prone carcass. Miss D even got her own personal comeuppance against Valentine’s Bättre Folk valet, Barbie, slapping the devious wench to the canvas after the match. I was happy over all of the dished out retribution, even in defeat.

However, my WNC title defense against Belgium’s powerhouse Bernard Vandamme was an even more bitter pill for me. I was battle-weary, but Vandamme demanded his match immediately after I duelled Valentine. With the heart of a hero, there was no way I was backing down. I fought with all I had, but Vandamme was fresh, and he laid the heat on hard and heavy. It took just under two-minutes for my assailant to score the victory, with an Oklahoma Stampede powerslam. Lo and behold, in one fell swoop, wihtin one night, I lost two championships.

Now, in this life, there is no up without the down, no happiness without sadness, and no good without evil. Everything is relative, in addition: the higher you climb, the further down you have to fall. After reaching the pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the only way is down. No one stays on top forever.

So now, in the face of this monumental, personal defeat at Talvisota VIII, starts the climb back up the mountain for this wayfaring, battle-worn ring veteran. But mark my words, I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. My ego and spirit are too strong to be denied.

It wasn’t only me, that suffered a crushing loss at Talvisota VIII. The FCF Wrestling championship changed hands at the event, as the incredibly-popular champion Tuho Torvinen lost his prestigious title to ”Wildman” Heimo Ukonselkä. Ukonselkä played a very aggressive and dirty game against Torvinen, laying the champion out with the butt of his battle axe, which is a part of the Wildman’s gimmick regalia during his ring entrances. Torvinen’s bell was visibly wrung, and the man was never able to fully regain his senses and sustain a prolonged flurry of offense. In just over 10-minutes, Ukonselkä countered Torvinen’s football tackle charge, nailing the champion with a powerful big boot to the face, after which the winning pinfall was academic.

Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is, that as Iron Maiden once sang, ”The evil that men do lives on and on.”

Yet, like a phoenix, the good will rise from the ashes. Just watch us.