After a hellacious night of wrestling warfare in Helsinki this past weekend at the biggest yearly event in Finnish professional wrestling, I found myself losing … and losing big!
I entered the event with my head held high, a dual-champion, representing both Britain and Japan. However, after the dust had settled, I left the ring dejected, having lost both the BWA Catchweight title to Valentine, as well as the WNC championship to Bernard Vandamme. To add salt to my wounds, I also lost the services of my wife, Miss D, as my ringside valet, since the stipulation in the match with Valentine was that should I lose the match (and BWA title), my wife’s career would also be on the line. In other words, FCF Wrestling’s Talvisota VIII was a royal flush for me … right down the proverbial shitter.
Firstly, the long-awaited Stretcher Match that I had with Valentine was a war that I gladly accepted and looked forward to. After the match, his face was marred and his front tooth chipped, after all that he and his Bättre Folk cohorts instigated against my wife and I over the past year. This was a bittersweet revenge for me, and although I lost the match, which could only end in a pinfall, I gained my measure of retribution. Valentine used a foreign object, which I heard were brass knuckles, on my ribs, and in the end, threw salt into my eyes before nailing his Code Breaker finsiher to pin me down for the win. After I was able to shake the stinging from my eyes, I paid Valentine back in spades, piledriving him three times – two of those head-first on a steel chair. Valentine was carted out of the ring with his newly-acquired BWA title draped unceremoniously across his prone carcass. Miss D even got her own personal comeuppance against Valentine’s Bättre Folk valet, Barbie, slapping the devious wench to the canvas after the match. I was happy over all of the dished out retribution, even in defeat.
However, my WNC title defense against Belgium’s powerhouse Bernard Vandamme was an even more bitter pill for me. I was battle-weary, but Vandamme demanded his match immediately after I duelled Valentine. With the heart of a hero, there was no way I was backing down. I fought with all I had, but Vandamme was fresh, and he laid the heat on hard and heavy. It took just under two-minutes for my assailant to score the victory, with an Oklahoma Stampede powerslam. Lo and behold, in one fell swoop, wihtin one night, I lost two championships.
Now, in this life, there is no up without the down, no happiness without sadness, and no good without evil. Everything is relative, in addition: the higher you climb, the further down you have to fall. After reaching the pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the only way is down. No one stays on top forever.
So now, in the face of this monumental, personal defeat at Talvisota VIII, starts the climb back up the mountain for this wayfaring, battle-worn ring veteran. But mark my words, I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. My ego and spirit are too strong to be denied.
It wasn’t only me, that suffered a crushing loss at Talvisota VIII. The FCF Wrestling championship changed hands at the event, as the incredibly-popular champion Tuho Torvinen lost his prestigious title to ”Wildman” Heimo Ukonselkä. Ukonselkä played a very aggressive and dirty game against Torvinen, laying the champion out with the butt of his battle axe, which is a part of the Wildman’s gimmick regalia during his ring entrances. Torvinen’s bell was visibly wrung, and the man was never able to fully regain his senses and sustain a prolonged flurry of offense. In just over 10-minutes, Ukonselkä countered Torvinen’s football tackle charge, nailing the champion with a powerful big boot to the face, after which the winning pinfall was academic.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is, that as Iron Maiden once sang, ”The evil that men do lives on and on.”
Yet, like a phoenix, the good will rise from the ashes. Just watch us.
This coming Saturday night in Helsinki, Finland, FCF Wrestling celebrates the eighth annual installment of Winter War, Talvisota VIII, which will be held at Sokos Hotel Presidentti.
Talvisota VIII is a monumental card, headlined by FCF champion Tuho Torvinen defending his prestigious title against the challenge of “Wildman” Heimo Ukonselkä and Finland’s very first Stretcher Match, featuring myself against the villainous Valentine.
Now, personally speaking, I have long-awaited this Stretcher Match against Valentine. In fact, I was the one who initially demanded that the match take place, due to the fact that Valentine assaulted my wife almost one year ago in March 2013. I certainly cannot live that moment down, and the scars still remain.
The fact that Valentine did not only assault my wife one single time, but repeated his cowardly act twice thereafter, is something that screams for retribution. No man on this Earth worth their manhood and weight would opt to sit idly and do nothing, as their woman becomes the target of an attack. For this sin, Valentine MUST pay. Talvisota VIII and the Stretcher Match that he and I will do battle in is the judgement that is due to him, and I will be the judge, jury and executioner on the night of March 8 in Helsinki when the bell rings. One of us will be carried out of that ring, laid out on a stretcher, and that means punishment in capitals!
Not only did Valentine finally “man-up” (and in his case, I use the term “man” very loosely) and accept my Stretcher Match challenge for Talvisota VIII, where I will openly put my BWA Catchweight title on the line also, but he also presented his own demand: that I put my wife’s career as my wrestling valet on the line in this match also.
Now my wife, Diana, or Miss D as she is known in wrestling circles, has certainly done nothing to provoke the kinds of attacks that she has endured, nor should she suffer the consequences of collateral damage in the issue between Valentine and myself. Yet, it has come down to this. I am so ready to beat Valentine into oblivion, that I accept his additional demand and stipulation regarding putting my wife’s career on the line at Talvisota VIII. I am going to make him rue the day that he instigated what he has done to my wife.
This coming Saturday, no wrestling fan in Finland should miss the utter destruction of Valentine that I will personally deal out in Helsinki at the biggest wrestling card of the year in this country.
As far as I am concerned, this issue ends on March 8.
Well, today is the last day of the year. A fitting time to look back on the tumultuous year that has been 2013.
Personally speaking, it’s been the hardest year on many fronts in my life to date. Sure, I’ve had both good and bad this year, but the dark side casts a major shadow on what has been 2013. Some economic seers were predicting a shitstorm for this past year at the tail end of 2012, and lo and behold, that shitstorm came with sinister fury. Financially, 2013 was a horrendous year. The sooner forgotten, the better. I really have no idea what is going to stem the tide and turn the course of the economy and job market, but something needs to happen — big time. Maybe it’s just the foreboding clouds of impending doom that forecast the doing away with of cash money, moving society towards a total digital transaction empire. Maybe it’s the speedy dissolvement of the middle class, ushering in a greater disparity between the those who have and those who have not. Maybe it’s the last, great rush of the greedy and self-centered, the liars and the thieves, to capitalize on the few remaining remnants of everyone else’s piece of pie. Whatever it is, it’s come to not only reach, but exceed the limit. Stop already!
But yeah, there has been good in this past year, also. I started 2013 off with a surprise engagement to my sweetheart, Diana, at a wrestling show in Lohja, Finland on January 4. After my match against Ricky Vendetta, I took the house mic and proposed in center ring to my girl, leading to our marriage on March 13 in Espoo, Finland. Diana told me that both numbers 3 and 13 have always had a lucky significance for her during her life, and it was her wish that we tie the knot on 13.3.2013. It took me almost 40 years to reach marriage, but dammit, I finally found my diamond in the rough and took the head-first plunge!
My parents pose with my brand spanking new wife and I
In March, I had the honor of representing my homeland of Canada in the Four Continents Cup of 2013 in Brugge, Belgium. The match was a four-man random tag elimination bout, with wrestlers also representing Spain (Europe), Japan (Asia) and Ecuador (South America). In the end, it boiled down to myself and Makoto Morimitsu of Japan, with my foe escaping my finishing piledriver attempt, capturing me in a rolling side cradle hold for the pinfall and win. It was a hard-fought match that was eight years in the making, as I had originally faced Makoto in Italy back in 2005, where I left him laying the ring after my spike piledriver.
StarBuck piledrives Makoto in the Four Continents Cup
I got to the critical age of 40 this past year, back on April 24. My wife organized a surprise birthday party for me at my old friend and ex-Stoner Kings drummer Janne Kontoniemi’s Bar Chaplin in downtown Helsinki. It was nice to see so many people turn up for the occasion. That said, it really feels like at 40, my life may as well be half over. I’ve been able to “live the dream”, as the boys call it in pro wrestling when one is able to enjoy a good modicum of success, rock all over the world with several of the bands I’ve fronted in, create characters with SONY music sensation Hevisaurus that have turned into a smash-hit all across Finland with kids far and wide, and a whole hoopla of other stuff.
Yet, somehow at the milestone age of 40, all of this feels somewhat … empty. It’s strange. When you think, that in the end, all you have ahead of you is an endless eternity that you cannot cancel out on, even if you’d have hoped, it all just becomes so very strange. The words from my band Overnight Sensation’s song Fool Like You resound in my head: “If I could, I’d return to the womb … way the hell back to nothing, before I even set to bloom.” Maybe it’s the hardships over the past year, but it makes one somber and philosophical.
In the Spring of 2013, I had the honor of facing WNC (Wrestling New Classic) champion, Osamu Nishimura, as part of a spectacular tag team main event in Tokyo, where I was paired up with my Synapse teammates AKIRA and Syuri against TAJIRI, Nishimura and WNC women’s champion Lin Byron. My good friend, heart surgeon Dr. Hiroaki Terasaki, claimed that this was the best match that I had wrestled in Japan in his opinion. I must say, that working against Nishimura in that match left me hoping I would have gotten a singles title match against the man over the course of this year. However, the financial hardships that are troubling the west are also now being felt harshly in the east, and I didn’t get the chance to grapple solely against Nishimura, as he dropped the title to TAJIRI this past summer.
A show of respect between WNC Champ Nishimura and myself after our match.
On May 11 in Espoo, Finland, I captured the BWA (British Wrestling Alliance) Catchweight title from Valentine, gaining a measure of revenge on my adversary for attacking my wife a couple of months earlier at an event in Helsinki. My victory was bittersweet, as I had promised not only to take the title, but to send Valentine out on a stretcher for good measure. I didn’t get to collect on the stretcher ride portion of it all, but that receipt is still coming, be assured of that.
2013 was a hard year also in the way of physical injuries, particularly the herniated disc between my C6-C7 vertebrae, which was diagnosed in mid-August. I had been experiencing numbing pain in my upper left shoulderblade/trapezius/arm, and I am talking 24/7 pain that just wouldn’t relent. I finally could take no more, and I went to one of Finland’s most highly-regarded sports physicians, Dr. Tuomo Karila, who had been the doctor for the Finnish wrestling team in the last Olympics. That is when I understood the severity of my condition. Had I continued to wrestle, especially in a highly-anticipated match against 190kg Cannonball Grizzly at the end of the summer, I would have risked paralysis. I tried to snake my way out of a match in Gothenburg, Sweden, against local hero Conny Mejsel, but the President of GBG Wrestling, Lady Delores, demanded that I wrestle. I was given a substitute, as I declined the hard challenge that Mejsel would surely present, and in lieu, I faced masked man Aguila Roja. I trounced Roja, as I was irate that GBG wouldn’t let me sit the match out, due to my aggrevated injury, but at the end of it all, Mejsel appeared to save the day. I beat Mejsel bloody with a folding chair, paying him back for conniving against me with the Bättre Folk contingent in FCF Wrestling back in the summer of 2013 in Helsinki at one event. When I am fully healed, I will be more than glad to face Conny Mejsel, be it in Sweden or in Finland or any place for that matter. All that said, I have still not fully recovered from my herniated disc, as of December 31 today, as I get pins and needles from time to time in my left index finger from the damage done to my disc. Deadlifts, chin-ups and back squats are off limits for another three to four months, as this thing has to get properly healed up.
I got some good news from Oskari Pastila, the director of my Spandex Sapiens documentary movie. Originally, the movie was slated to be out in January 2014, but lo and behold, the flick just kept getting more and more funding, which meant that more and more people were getting involved. This of course meant that the release date of the film had to be pushed back to either Spring 2014 or Autumn 2014, since the summer vacation months do not warrant putting anything notable out. So, for all of you who have been asking and wondering, now you know the lowdown on the situation.
Spandex Sapiens promotional artwork by Janne Yliruusi
In September, I returned to action in England for the first time in thirteen years at an event in Gloucester, entitled Wrestling Rampage. I faced local hero Matt Jarrett aka The English Bulldog, dropping him with my trademark spike piledriver to get the duke in under 10-minutes of combat, as Jarrett suffered a neck injury during the course of our bout. I was even asked to go to BBC studios, promoting our match-up prior to the event, which I thought was very cool, in addition to making local newspaper headlines.
The Citizen newspaper runs a big piece on my UK match
September also signalled the release of my hard rock band Overnight Sensation‘s Life’s a Bitch album, which was released solely as a digital record in todays Internet market. It’s sad to say, but by and in large, it seems that the day and age of the CD as a salable item is in its twilight period. So much of everyone’s business has become virtual, that it’s downright scary. Still, I am damn proud of the end result with Life’s a Bitch, which is a very catchy and solid rock album.
I got to play director on my southern rock act Crossfyre‘s Devil’s Daughter music video, which I also did the storyboard and wrote the story for. My wife even got a sponsorship for the girls in the video through mineral make-up company, Gaya Cosmetics. The end result was stellar, as you can witness from the official video.
All in all, 2013 doesn’t sound too bad from the highlights mentioned above, but in many other ways, especially financially, this year is not one that I would like to revisit, outside of a few peak moments. Only God knows what 2014 holds in store, as right now, it’s just a black hole with a huge question mark at the end of it.
Nonetheless, thanks to all my fans and supporters for keeping the faith alive and flame burning over the past year! Let’s keep our thumbs up for 2014…
Finally, and long-awaited, here is the scorching “Devil’s Daughter” music video from my southern rock act, Crossfyre, with a story conducted by my wife and I, directed by Yours Truly:
I think I’ve got me a future in the movie biz after this one, hahahaaa!
Last night at FCF Wrestling’s Lokakuun Luuvitonen event in Vantaa, Finland, I wrestled a young man named Sly Sebastian, giving him arguably his finest match to date. The kid has a lot of heart, and a definitive get-to-it grasp on things. I applaud him for his efforts, and last night, Sly Sebastian put his best foot forward.
All that said, however, Sly still could not defeat Yours Truly. Sure, he put up a gallant effort, but in the end, it was the outside interference of the contingent known as Bättre Folk, that sabotaged our match. The referee called off the contest, as Valentine assaulted both Sly and I. For me, this was the second time that my old rival Valentine messed with my bout in the last few months.
Beyond that, however, Valentine has put his hands on my wife over the course of this year four times already. This last episode last night really exceeded even the lowest of standards.
After calling their newest Bättre Folk cohort, Barbie, to the ring, Valentine and his manager Robert Holmström held my wife, Miss D, as Barbie smacked her across the face. Following this, Valentine proceeded to mimic a sexual act over my wife’s fallen form. That, in and of itself, was about as low as someone can get, outside of actually raping their victim.
I have asked for one last outing against Valentine to put an end to this lowlife crap, and that is a stretcher match. I promised Valentine a stretcher ride when he initially put his hands on Miss D back in March of this year. Now, I am finally going to make good. One of us will be carried out of the building on our backs, and I am willing to put up my BWA Catchweight title as a winner-takes-all trophy, when that happens.
Bättre Folk. For a long time, the Swedes living in Finland have held themselves to be a step above the Finnish populace, probably stemming from the fact that Finland once used to be under Swedish rule. That “big brother” mentality still shines through and is prevalent these days, and a LOT of people in Finland despise the snobbish attitude of the Swedish “Better People” (= Bättre Folk).
So it was this past Saturday night, at an event in downtown Helsinki, entitled DOMination 9: New Blood Rising, that this age-old pest termed Bättre Folk showed up. We had them in the audience, I had one as an opponent, and when all was said and done, there were three of them in the ring.
Miss D give me a kiss for good luck before the match
When I started initially coaching Finnish wrestlers in 2003, I did my best to bring them up under certain, traditional etiquette and codes of honor that are time-tested in our business. Some of those kids from over the years have fallen out of the game, simply due to the fact that they either did not have the heart that this business requires, or because of serious physical injury in matches on a few occasions. To be honest, I counted awhile back that over half of the kids that have debuted in Finnish professional wrestling since 2013 have called it quits. It really is an astounding number.
To the best of my ability, I did my utmost to ween those with the best character, to take up leading positions in Finnish pro wrestling on the promotional end, as after all, our business does require group effort. Sometimes, my evaluation of certain peoples’ character is correct, but at times, I misjudge who and what they truly are. I hate to say it, but such an individual from this latter category would be my Eurosport co-commentator, Robert Holmström.
Mejsel with a chinlock as the referee checks in
Robert was one of those people that had business savvy when he entered the game. He worked for a debt collection agency, and he had a certain way about him, that you could say was “business-like.” Robert even entered FCF’s wrestling school in 2005, but his physical prowess and athletic ability were not up to par, so he ended up becoming a referee. And for many years, Robert Holmström was the best referee that FCF Wrestling had. He even got so “over” with the fans in his officiating role, that it carried over to public support on his behalf, when he challenged former FCF General Manager Wilma Schlizewski in 2011 for her leadership title. Holmström became the new General Manager for FCF Wrestling in December 2011, when his representative wrestler (Finnhammer Halme) defeated Wilma’s representative wrestler (Angel de Tormentá).
Fall-away clothesline lays out Mejsel
It was during Robert’s time as General Manager, that his position of power corrupted him as a human being. He became Machiavellian in his thinking and actions, clearly proving, that some folks just aren’t cut out to handle authority. Holmström would abuse his position as General Manager, going so far in his personal xenophobia, as to personally single out Mexican-Finnish talent El Excentrico and make his life hell. FCF Wrestling’s board of directors couldn’t idly sit by and just let Holmström implode, so he was ousted from his General Manager spot in favor of Kristian Kurki, after the Talvisota VII event back in February of this year. Since then, Holmström has been a sour grape, with a chip on his shoulder and probably a bad case of acid reflux, considering his constant negativity.
All this said, I even got Holmström his position as my co-commentator of This Week in WWE and WWE Vintage Collection on Monday nights in Finland, back in February 2009. The Eurosport office asked me if I had someone in mind, who could work in the announcing booth with me, as an announcing team. They needed to be knowledgeable and have good, on-air chemistry with me. I had two or three names in mind, but I went to bat for Robert in the end, and he got the job.
Wounds of war, bleeding from the chin
Lo and behold, four years later, Robert Holmström has forgotten about the hand that fed him in 2009. Even moreso, he has forgotten who brought him up in the business and trained him back in 2005. In short, Robert Holmström has chosen to shit where he lives. How indicative of his musical taste in punk rock.
When I faced Sweden’s Conny Mejsel this past Saturday night in Helsinki in defense of my BWA Catchweight title, all was fair and game until former BWA champion Valentine blindsided me, prompting the referee to call for a disqualification. Valentine had previously assaulted me wife Diana on two separate occasions, and when she saw from ringside that Valentine ambushed me, she entered the ring and tried to pry him off. That is when Robert entered and grabbed my girl, choking and manhandling her in the process. The trio of Mejsel, Valentine and Holmström left me and my wife laying in the ring, proclaiming themselves to be “Bättre Folk”, as Holmström spat out to everyone in attendance, that he was sick and tired of playing second-fiddle to Yours Truly, and that the final nail in the coffin for him was when I brought Diana into the business.
a bunch of ignorant assholes – Bättre Folk
Holmström already challenged me earlier in May this year at FCF’s Jatkosota 2013 event in Espoo, where I won the BWA championship from Valentine, for a match against my wife. I accepted, knowing that my wife could wipe the mat with Robert, since she has a background in Jiu Jitsu and Kyokushin Karate. Robert didn’t get his wish, as FCF General Manager Kristian Kurki denied the match taking place at DOMination 9 this past weekend, and this caused even more bitterness for Holmström. I guess that is what prompted him to follow in Valentine’s footsteps and attack my wife also, proving that he also, is less than a man and a coward at that.
No need for further explanation…
It will be a challenge for me to sit beside Robert Holmström on Monday nights in the Eurosport announcing booth from this day forward. Only due to professionalism and for the sake of my job will I retain my composure and refrain from taking out my anger outside of the wrestling ring. However, once the next wrestling event rolls around, with Holmström and his compatriots on the other side of the ring, all bets are off. And then, even the cops won’t have jurisdiction, because what happens in wrestling stays in wrestling … and Robert and his Bättre Folk should know that.
“I promised that I’d take your title…!” – StarBuck
After wrestling last in England back in 2000, I never thought I’d become a champion there, as my experience at the time in the UK was the absolute worst of my pro wrestling career. Back then, I wrestled for an infamous promoter nicknamed “Shaky”, and he was one of the worst con men I have ever run across in this business. In short order, Shaky soured on me, withheld my match pay for days on end (after paying everyone else), treated me like a piece of unwanted trash and made me understand that I was not welcome in his crew any longer. Needless to say, I cut my losses short and left the tour prematurely, refusing to be treated that way.
I lost a good deal of coin on that trip, and for many years thereafter, the foul taste of that UK jaunt still lingers in my memories. I know the saying states that you shouldn’t let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch, but for me, that one bad apple was rotten to the core. Nonetheless, I have met an abundant number of great people in the wrestling industry out of the UK over the past decade in my wrestling travels. Good guys and top hands like Robbie Brookside, James Mason, Chris Curtis, Rob Cage, Rampage Brown, Keith Myatt and Dan Collins have all made a very positive impression on me, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the comraderie we have shared out on the road in this often-times bizarre business.
All that said, as I mentioned in the beginning of this write-up, I never thought I would become a champion for a UK-based promotion. However, last night in Espoo, Finland, exactly that happened. I became the new BWA (British Wrestling Alliance) Catchweight titleholder, defeating a very capable now ex-champion, in the nefarious Valentine.
The new BWA Catchweight Champion (photo by Susanna Honkasalo)
It was a war, to be sure. Valentine was able to compromise my arm after I hit the ringpost, as we brawled on the outside of the ring, and I had serious troubles utilizing my hurt wing after that incident in the match. Even though I managed to hit my trademark spike piledriver, which spelled the end of the match for Valentine, I had considerable trouble hoisting and maintaining my foe in position as I executed the move. Regardless, even without maximum effect, my piledriver was good enough to keep Valentine down for the count.
Valentine tears away at the injured arm
An intense struggle between two top rivals
After 14:29 of a very trying match … VENI, VIDI, VICI !!!
After the underhanded things that Valentine did to my wife Diana (aka Miss D in wrestling circles) over the past two months, I was able to exact at least a certain, somewhat satisfactory measure of revenge on my nemesis. I took his title, but I did not manage to send him out on a stretcher, as I would have hoped for. That I will have to save for a later date, because now, Valentine is disputing the way our match ended, claiming that his foot was under the bottom rope when the FCF referee in charge counted the finishing pinfall, following my closing piledriver. Whether or not that is the case, I do not know, as neither I nor the referee in our match saw it.
I should also mention, that my Eurosport co-host and former FCF General Manager, Robert Holmström, seemingly went off his rocker and lost his mind last night at the event. I have no idea what kind of idiot bug hit Robert, but he had a spastic fit after siding with Valentine regarding his foot being under the ropes in the pinfall of our match, and then proceeded to challenge my wife – whom I left home for this event – to a “match” at the next FCF Wrestling event in Helsinki, slated for June 8, if I understood correctly. Robert should remember that I was the person that got him his job with Eurosport back in 2009, commentating WWE wrestling on Monday nights in Finland, alongside myself. He should also remember that he is not a wrestler, and although my wife Diana is not a wrestler either, I will damn sure teach her in short order how to knock Robert’s head off his shoulders, if he has a stick up his ass concerning my wife. And regardless of what Holmström states, even Ray Charles could see that there was some form of collusion between Robert and Valentine several weeks back, when Valentine assaulted Diana for the second time, as seen in the video below.
It has pissed off Finns for ages that the Swedes who live here act like they are, as they call themselves, “Bättre folk” (better folks), and being that both Holmström and Valentine are Swedish-Finns, they seem to have found a common agenda of some sort. Well, Robert, I’ll be more than happy to show Miss D how to kick your head off, and that way you just might join Valentine on that upcoming stretcher ride that’s still coming…
Finnish professional photographer Susanna Honkasalo sent these shots to me from the highly-controversial events of this past Saturday night in Helsinki, where I faced Valentine for his BWA (British Wresting Alliance) Catchweight championship at an event entitled Domination 8, hosted by FCF Wrestling.
Valentine’s despicable actions with his assault on my wife at ringside are clearly visible. At this time, I have not gotten the video footage from this event, but when I do, I will post the material of this cowardly attack here.
In addition, Valentine assaulted WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) talent scout and guesting referee, Robbie Brookside, jeopardizing potential future WWE tryout opportunities for not only himself, but for the entire locker room on the evening of March 23.
There will be serious repercussions following this debacle, THAT I most certainly can guarantee.
starbuck.fi 
The Evil that Men do
Posted: March 11, 2014 in Life, Professional Wrestling, Social commentaryTags: Bernard Vandamme, BWA, evil, Finland, Helsinki, Miss D, StarBuck, stretcher match, Talvisota VIII, Valentine, WNC
After a hellacious night of wrestling warfare in Helsinki this past weekend at the biggest yearly event in Finnish professional wrestling, I found myself losing … and losing big!
I entered the event with my head held high, a dual-champion, representing both Britain and Japan. However, after the dust had settled, I left the ring dejected, having lost both the BWA Catchweight title to Valentine, as well as the WNC championship to Bernard Vandamme. To add salt to my wounds, I also lost the services of my wife, Miss D, as my ringside valet, since the stipulation in the match with Valentine was that should I lose the match (and BWA title), my wife’s career would also be on the line. In other words, FCF Wrestling’s Talvisota VIII was a royal flush for me … right down the proverbial shitter.
Firstly, the long-awaited Stretcher Match that I had with Valentine was a war that I gladly accepted and looked forward to. After the match, his face was marred and his front tooth chipped, after all that he and his Bättre Folk cohorts instigated against my wife and I over the past year. This was a bittersweet revenge for me, and although I lost the match, which could only end in a pinfall, I gained my measure of retribution. Valentine used a foreign object, which I heard were brass knuckles, on my ribs, and in the end, threw salt into my eyes before nailing his Code Breaker finsiher to pin me down for the win. After I was able to shake the stinging from my eyes, I paid Valentine back in spades, piledriving him three times – two of those head-first on a steel chair. Valentine was carted out of the ring with his newly-acquired BWA title draped unceremoniously across his prone carcass. Miss D even got her own personal comeuppance against Valentine’s Bättre Folk valet, Barbie, slapping the devious wench to the canvas after the match. I was happy over all of the dished out retribution, even in defeat.
However, my WNC title defense against Belgium’s powerhouse Bernard Vandamme was an even more bitter pill for me. I was battle-weary, but Vandamme demanded his match immediately after I duelled Valentine. With the heart of a hero, there was no way I was backing down. I fought with all I had, but Vandamme was fresh, and he laid the heat on hard and heavy. It took just under two-minutes for my assailant to score the victory, with an Oklahoma Stampede powerslam. Lo and behold, in one fell swoop, wihtin one night, I lost two championships.
Now, in this life, there is no up without the down, no happiness without sadness, and no good without evil. Everything is relative, in addition: the higher you climb, the further down you have to fall. After reaching the pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the only way is down. No one stays on top forever.
So now, in the face of this monumental, personal defeat at Talvisota VIII, starts the climb back up the mountain for this wayfaring, battle-worn ring veteran. But mark my words, I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. My ego and spirit are too strong to be denied.
It wasn’t only me, that suffered a crushing loss at Talvisota VIII. The FCF Wrestling championship changed hands at the event, as the incredibly-popular champion Tuho Torvinen lost his prestigious title to ”Wildman” Heimo Ukonselkä. Ukonselkä played a very aggressive and dirty game against Torvinen, laying the champion out with the butt of his battle axe, which is a part of the Wildman’s gimmick regalia during his ring entrances. Torvinen’s bell was visibly wrung, and the man was never able to fully regain his senses and sustain a prolonged flurry of offense. In just over 10-minutes, Ukonselkä countered Torvinen’s football tackle charge, nailing the champion with a powerful big boot to the face, after which the winning pinfall was academic.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is, that as Iron Maiden once sang, ”The evil that men do lives on and on.”
Yet, like a phoenix, the good will rise from the ashes. Just watch us.