“I promised that I’d take your title…!” – StarBuck
After wrestling last in England back in 2000, I never thought I’d become a champion there, as my experience at the time in the UK was the absolute worst of my pro wrestling career. Back then, I wrestled for an infamous promoter nicknamed “Shaky”, and he was one of the worst con men I have ever run across in this business. In short order, Shaky soured on me, withheld my match pay for days on end (after paying everyone else), treated me like a piece of unwanted trash and made me understand that I was not welcome in his crew any longer. Needless to say, I cut my losses short and left the tour prematurely, refusing to be treated that way.
I lost a good deal of coin on that trip, and for many years thereafter, the foul taste of that UK jaunt still lingers in my memories. I know the saying states that you shouldn’t let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch, but for me, that one bad apple was rotten to the core. Nonetheless, I have met an abundant number of great people in the wrestling industry out of the UK over the past decade in my wrestling travels. Good guys and top hands like Robbie Brookside, James Mason, Chris Curtis, Rob Cage, Rampage Brown, Keith Myatt and Dan Collins have all made a very positive impression on me, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the comraderie we have shared out on the road in this often-times bizarre business.
All that said, as I mentioned in the beginning of this write-up, I never thought I would become a champion for a UK-based promotion. However, last night in Espoo, Finland, exactly that happened. I became the new BWA (British Wrestling Alliance) Catchweight titleholder, defeating a very capable now ex-champion, in the nefarious Valentine.
The new BWA Catchweight Champion (photo by Susanna Honkasalo)
It was a war, to be sure. Valentine was able to compromise my arm after I hit the ringpost, as we brawled on the outside of the ring, and I had serious troubles utilizing my hurt wing after that incident in the match. Even though I managed to hit my trademark spike piledriver, which spelled the end of the match for Valentine, I had considerable trouble hoisting and maintaining my foe in position as I executed the move. Regardless, even without maximum effect, my piledriver was good enough to keep Valentine down for the count.
Valentine tears away at the injured arm
An intense struggle between two top rivals
After 14:29 of a very trying match … VENI, VIDI, VICI !!!
After the underhanded things that Valentine did to my wife Diana (aka Miss D in wrestling circles) over the past two months, I was able to exact at least a certain, somewhat satisfactory measure of revenge on my nemesis. I took his title, but I did not manage to send him out on a stretcher, as I would have hoped for. That I will have to save for a later date, because now, Valentine is disputing the way our match ended, claiming that his foot was under the bottom rope when the FCF referee in charge counted the finishing pinfall, following my closing piledriver. Whether or not that is the case, I do not know, as neither I nor the referee in our match saw it.
I should also mention, that my Eurosport co-host and former FCF General Manager, Robert Holmström, seemingly went off his rocker and lost his mind last night at the event. I have no idea what kind of idiot bug hit Robert, but he had a spastic fit after siding with Valentine regarding his foot being under the ropes in the pinfall of our match, and then proceeded to challenge my wife – whom I left home for this event – to a “match” at the next FCF Wrestling event in Helsinki, slated for June 8, if I understood correctly. Robert should remember that I was the person that got him his job with Eurosport back in 2009, commentating WWE wrestling on Monday nights in Finland, alongside myself. He should also remember that he is not a wrestler, and although my wife Diana is not a wrestler either, I will damn sure teach her in short order how to knock Robert’s head off his shoulders, if he has a stick up his ass concerning my wife. And regardless of what Holmström states, even Ray Charles could see that there was some form of collusion between Robert and Valentine several weeks back, when Valentine assaulted Diana for the second time.
It has pissed off Finns for ages that the Swedes who live here act like they are, as they call themselves, “Bättre folk” (better folks), and being that both Holmström and Valentine are Swedish-Finns, they seem to have found a common agenda of some sort. Well, Robert, I’ll be more than happy to show Miss D how to kick your head off, and that way you just might join Valentine on that upcoming stretcher ride that’s still coming…
starbuck.fi 
The Evil that Men do
Posted: March 11, 2014 in Life, Professional Wrestling, Social commentaryTags: Bernard Vandamme, BWA, evil, Finland, Helsinki, Miss D, StarBuck, stretcher match, Talvisota VIII, Valentine, WNC
After a hellacious night of wrestling warfare in Helsinki this past weekend at the biggest yearly event in Finnish professional wrestling, I found myself losing … and losing big!
I entered the event with my head held high, a dual-champion, representing both Britain and Japan. However, after the dust had settled, I left the ring dejected, having lost both the BWA Catchweight title to Valentine, as well as the WNC championship to Bernard Vandamme. To add salt to my wounds, I also lost the services of my wife, Miss D, as my ringside valet, since the stipulation in the match with Valentine was that should I lose the match (and BWA title), my wife’s career would also be on the line. In other words, FCF Wrestling’s Talvisota VIII was a royal flush for me … right down the proverbial shitter.
Firstly, the long-awaited Stretcher Match that I had with Valentine was a war that I gladly accepted and looked forward to. After the match, his face was marred and his front tooth chipped, after all that he and his Bättre Folk cohorts instigated against my wife and I over the past year. This was a bittersweet revenge for me, and although I lost the match, which could only end in a pinfall, I gained my measure of retribution. Valentine used a foreign object, which I heard were brass knuckles, on my ribs, and in the end, threw salt into my eyes before nailing his Code Breaker finsiher to pin me down for the win. After I was able to shake the stinging from my eyes, I paid Valentine back in spades, piledriving him three times – two of those head-first on a steel chair. Valentine was carted out of the ring with his newly-acquired BWA title draped unceremoniously across his prone carcass. Miss D even got her own personal comeuppance against Valentine’s Bättre Folk valet, Barbie, slapping the devious wench to the canvas after the match. I was happy over all of the dished out retribution, even in defeat.
However, my WNC title defense against Belgium’s powerhouse Bernard Vandamme was an even more bitter pill for me. I was battle-weary, but Vandamme demanded his match immediately after I duelled Valentine. With the heart of a hero, there was no way I was backing down. I fought with all I had, but Vandamme was fresh, and he laid the heat on hard and heavy. It took just under two-minutes for my assailant to score the victory, with an Oklahoma Stampede powerslam. Lo and behold, in one fell swoop, wihtin one night, I lost two championships.
Now, in this life, there is no up without the down, no happiness without sadness, and no good without evil. Everything is relative, in addition: the higher you climb, the further down you have to fall. After reaching the pinnacle, the top of the mountain, the only way is down. No one stays on top forever.
So now, in the face of this monumental, personal defeat at Talvisota VIII, starts the climb back up the mountain for this wayfaring, battle-worn ring veteran. But mark my words, I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. My ego and spirit are too strong to be denied.
It wasn’t only me, that suffered a crushing loss at Talvisota VIII. The FCF Wrestling championship changed hands at the event, as the incredibly-popular champion Tuho Torvinen lost his prestigious title to ”Wildman” Heimo Ukonselkä. Ukonselkä played a very aggressive and dirty game against Torvinen, laying the champion out with the butt of his battle axe, which is a part of the Wildman’s gimmick regalia during his ring entrances. Torvinen’s bell was visibly wrung, and the man was never able to fully regain his senses and sustain a prolonged flurry of offense. In just over 10-minutes, Ukonselkä countered Torvinen’s football tackle charge, nailing the champion with a powerful big boot to the face, after which the winning pinfall was academic.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is, that as Iron Maiden once sang, ”The evil that men do lives on and on.”
Yet, like a phoenix, the good will rise from the ashes. Just watch us.