I was recently interviewed by Steve Lynskey of www.1wrestling.com, a site run by former Pro Wrestling Illustrated editor-in-chief, Bill Apter. The following interview covers a lot of topics inside of 16-minutes, so lend your ear and enjoy the low-down, as only Yours Truly can deliver!
Bättre Folk. For a long time, the Swedes living in Finland have held themselves to be a step above the Finnish populace, probably stemming from the fact that Finland once used to be under Swedish rule. That “big brother” mentality still shines through and is prevalent these days, and a LOT of people in Finland despise the snobbish attitude of the Swedish “Better People” (= Bättre Folk).
So it was this past Saturday night, at an event in downtown Helsinki, entitled DOMination 9: New Blood Rising, that this age-old pest termed Bättre Folk showed up. We had them in the audience, I had one as an opponent, and when all was said and done, there were three of them in the ring.
Miss D give me a kiss for good luck before the match
When I started initially coaching Finnish wrestlers in 2003, I did my best to bring them up under certain, traditional etiquette and codes of honor that are time-tested in our business. Some of those kids from over the years have fallen out of the game, simply due to the fact that they either did not have the heart that this business requires, or because of serious physical injury in matches on a few occasions. To be honest, I counted awhile back that over half of the kids that have debuted in Finnish professional wrestling since 2013 have called it quits. It really is an astounding number.
To the best of my ability, I did my utmost to ween those with the best character, to take up leading positions in Finnish pro wrestling on the promotional end, as after all, our business does require group effort. Sometimes, my evaluation of certain peoples’ character is correct, but at times, I misjudge who and what they truly are. I hate to say it, but such an individual from this latter category would be my Eurosport co-commentator, Robert Holmström.
Mejsel with a chinlock as the referee checks in
Robert was one of those people that had business savvy when he entered the game. He worked for a debt collection agency, and he had a certain way about him, that you could say was “business-like.” Robert even entered FCF’s wrestling school in 2005, but his physical prowess and athletic ability were not up to par, so he ended up becoming a referee. And for many years, Robert Holmström was the best referee that FCF Wrestling had. He even got so “over” with the fans in his officiating role, that it carried over to public support on his behalf, when he challenged former FCF General Manager Wilma Schlizewski in 2011 for her leadership title. Holmström became the new General Manager for FCF Wrestling in December 2011, when his representative wrestler (Finnhammer Halme) defeated Wilma’s representative wrestler (Angel de Tormentá).
Fall-away clothesline lays out Mejsel
It was during Robert’s time as General Manager, that his position of power corrupted him as a human being. He became Machiavellian in his thinking and actions, clearly proving, that some folks just aren’t cut out to handle authority. Holmström would abuse his position as General Manager, going so far in his personal xenophobia, as to personally single out Mexican-Finnish talent El Excentrico and make his life hell. FCF Wrestling’s board of directors couldn’t idly sit by and just let Holmström implode, so he was ousted from his General Manager spot in favor of Kristian Kurki, after the Talvisota VII event back in February of this year. Since then, Holmström has been a sour grape, with a chip on his shoulder and probably a bad case of acid reflux, considering his constant negativity.
All this said, I even got Holmström his position as my co-commentator of This Week in WWE and WWE Vintage Collection on Monday nights in Finland, back in February 2009. The Eurosport office asked me if I had someone in mind, who could work in the announcing booth with me, as an announcing team. They needed to be knowledgeable and have good, on-air chemistry with me. I had two or three names in mind, but I went to bat for Robert in the end, and he got the job.
Wounds of war, bleeding from the chin
Lo and behold, four years later, Robert Holmström has forgotten about the hand that fed him in 2009. Even moreso, he has forgotten who brought him up in the business and trained him back in 2005. In short, Robert Holmström has chosen to shit where he lives. How indicative of his musical taste in punk rock.
When I faced Sweden’s Conny Mejsel this past Saturday night in Helsinki in defense of my BWA Catchweight title, all was fair and game until former BWA champion Valentine blindsided me, prompting the referee to call for a disqualification. Valentine had previously assaulted me wife Diana on two separate occasions, and when she saw from ringside that Valentine ambushed me, she entered the ring and tried to pry him off. That is when Robert entered and grabbed my girl, choking and manhandling her in the process. The trio of Mejsel, Valentine and Holmström left me and my wife laying in the ring, proclaiming themselves to be “Bättre Folk”, as Holmström spat out to everyone in attendance, that he was sick and tired of playing second-fiddle to Yours Truly, and that the final nail in the coffin for him was when I brought Diana into the business.
a bunch of ignorant assholes – Bättre Folk
Holmström already challenged me earlier in May this year at FCF’s Jatkosota 2013 event in Espoo, where I won the BWA championship from Valentine, for a match against my wife. I accepted, knowing that my wife could wipe the mat with Robert, since she has a background in Jiu Jitsu and Kyokushin Karate. Robert didn’t get his wish, as FCF General Manager Kristian Kurki denied the match taking place at DOMination 9 this past weekend, and this caused even more bitterness for Holmström. I guess that is what prompted him to follow in Valentine’s footsteps and attack my wife also, proving that he also, is less than a man and a coward at that.
No need for further explanation…
It will be a challenge for me to sit beside Robert Holmström on Monday nights in the Eurosport announcing booth from this day forward. Only due to professionalism and for the sake of my job will I retain my composure and refrain from taking out my anger outside of the wrestling ring. However, once the next wrestling event rolls around, with Holmström and his compatriots on the other side of the ring, all bets are off. And then, even the cops won’t have jurisdiction, because what happens in wrestling stays in wrestling … and Robert and his Bättre Folk should know that.
The other night I just landed back home after my latest tour of the “Land of the Rising Sun” this past week, wrestling in Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya. The Wrestling New Classic (WNC) cards that I fought on with my team Synapse (StarBuck, AKIRA, Syuri) also featured some interesting new acquaintances: 62-year old legend Gran Hamada, Zero-1/ECW star Masato Tanaka, MMA star Koichiro Kimura, former NJPW Jr. Heavyweight Champion El Samurai and current WNC Champion Osamu Nishimura.
At 62-years of age, Gran Hamada is a legend in his own time (especially in Mexico)!
On May 24 in Tokyo, I teamed with AKIRA and Syuri to defeat the trio of WNC Champion Nishimura, TAJIRI and WNC Women’s Champion Lin Byron. AKIRA pinned TAJIRI after a Musabi Press off the top rope, right after I hit the spike-piledriver on “The Japanese Buzzsaw”. I have to say that Osamu Nishimura is a heck of a wrestler, and I thoroughly enjoyed wrestling against him, as our styles meshed very well. Nishimura expressed interest in joining our Synapse contingent after the match, after some miscommunication in the six-man match, after TAJIRI mistakenly thrust-kicked Nishimura late in the bout. We didn’t commit to his wish as of yet, but Nishimura did say that he is bringing my old arch-nemesis Michael Kovac of Austria to Japan next month. Kovac beat me for the TopCatch European Championship back in September 2011, and there’s still a good deal of heat between our parties, so I am not too excited about the developments that Nishimura is looking to push with his personal agenda now…
A show of respect between WNC Champ Nishimura and myself after our match.
We hit the road for Osaka on May 25, where AKIRA and I lost a heated match-up against The Big Guns (Zeus and The Bodyguard), who are almost like Japan’s version of The Road Warriors. The Bodyguard pinned AKIRA after the opposition hit a double-chokeslam on my tag team partner and I was unable to break up the pin.
On the WNC tour bus, AKIRA awaits arrival in Osaka, where we have our next match.
Former WNC Women’s Champion Syuri washes some midnight laundry in Osaka.
May 26 saw us land in Nagoya, where I teamed with Syuri in a mixed tag encounter, against rookie Masaya Takahashi and Makoto. I pinned Takahashi with my spike-piledriver in about nine-minutes to bring our team to victory once again.
Having a good time at Rikidozan’s former chef’s restaurant in Tokyo.
I also had the pleasure of dining at the famous Hong Kong restaurant, headed up by the former chef of Rikidozan, Japan’s pro wrestling pioneer from the 1950s. The photos on the establishment’s wall tell of the famous Antonio Inoki vs. Mohammed Ali match from 1976. The real catch in that tale was the astronomous amount that New Japan Pro Wrestling, under whose banner the match was held, had to pay to Ali, to the tune of 10 billion Yen. That equates to about 10 million USD. New Japan paid off their debt a couple of years back, after over 35-years of carrying that financial monkey on their backs. Talk about someone leveraging themselves into a huge personal win situation!
After wrestling last in England back in 2000, I never thought I’d become a champion there, as my experience at the time in the UK was the absolute worst of my pro wrestling career. Back then, I wrestled for an infamous promoter nicknamed “Shaky”, and he was one of the worst con men I have ever run across in this business. In short order, Shaky soured on me, withheld my match pay for days on end (after paying everyone else), treated me like a piece of unwanted trash and made me understand that I was not welcome in his crew any longer. Needless to say, I cut my losses short and left the tour prematurely, refusing to be treated that way.
I lost a good deal of coin on that trip, and for many years thereafter, the foul taste of that UK jaunt still lingers in my memories. I know the saying states that you shouldn’t let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch, but for me, that one bad apple was rotten to the core. Nonetheless, I have met an abundant number of great people in the wrestling industry out of the UK over the past decade in my wrestling travels. Good guys and top hands like Robbie Brookside, James Mason, Chris Curtis, Rob Cage, Rampage Brown, Keith Myatt and Dan Collins have all made a very positive impression on me, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the comraderie we have shared out on the road in this often-times bizarre business.
All that said, as I mentioned in the beginning of this write-up, I never thought I would become a champion for a UK-based promotion. However, last night in Espoo, Finland, exactly that happened. I became the new BWA (British Wrestling Alliance) Catchweight titleholder, defeating a very capable now ex-champion, in the nefarious Valentine.
The new BWA Catchweight Champion (photo by Susanna Honkasalo)
It was a war, to be sure. Valentine was able to compromise my arm after I hit the ringpost, as we brawled on the outside of the ring, and I had serious troubles utilizing my hurt wing after that incident in the match. Even though I managed to hit my trademark spike piledriver, which spelled the end of the match for Valentine, I had considerable trouble hoisting and maintaining my foe in position as I executed the move. Regardless, even without maximum effect, my piledriver was good enough to keep Valentine down for the count.
Valentine tears away at the injured arm
An intense struggle between two top rivals
After 14:29 of a very trying match … VENI, VIDI, VICI !!!
After the underhanded things that Valentine did to my wife Diana (aka Miss D in wrestling circles) over the past two months, I was able to exact at least a certain, somewhat satisfactory measure of revenge on my nemesis. I took his title, but I did not manage to send him out on a stretcher, as I would have hoped for. That I will have to save for a later date, because now, Valentine is disputing the way our match ended, claiming that his foot was under the bottom rope when the FCF referee in charge counted the finishing pinfall, following my closing piledriver. Whether or not that is the case, I do not know, as neither I nor the referee in our match saw it.
I should also mention, that my Eurosport co-host and former FCF General Manager, Robert Holmström, seemingly went off his rocker and lost his mind last night at the event. I have no idea what kind of idiot bug hit Robert, but he had a spastic fit after siding with Valentine regarding his foot being under the ropes in the pinfall of our match, and then proceeded to challenge my wife – whom I left home for this event – to a “match” at the next FCF Wrestling event in Helsinki, slated for June 8, if I understood correctly. Robert should remember that I was the person that got him his job with Eurosport back in 2009, commentating WWE wrestling on Monday nights in Finland, alongside myself. He should also remember that he is not a wrestler, and although my wife Diana is not a wrestler either, I will damn sure teach her in short order how to knock Robert’s head off his shoulders, if he has a stick up his ass concerning my wife. And regardless of what Holmström states, even Ray Charles could see that there was some form of collusion between Robert and Valentine several weeks back, when Valentine assaulted Diana for the second time.
It has pissed off Finns for ages that the Swedes who live here act like they are, as they call themselves, “Bättre folk” (better folks), and being that both Holmström and Valentine are Swedish-Finns, they seem to have found a common agenda of some sort. Well, Robert, I’ll be more than happy to show Miss D how to kick your head off, and that way you just might join Valentine on that upcoming stretcher ride that’s still coming…
Yesterday, Finnish pop rock act Disco Ensemble released their newest single and music video, entitled Eartha Kitt, which is based on the upcoming Spandex Sapiens (early 2014 release) documentary movie about my persona and wrestling career.
Spandex Sapiens was originally penned to be called Babyface, but the movie’s director Oskari Pastila changed the title in a more comicbook-oriented (albeit B-movie) direction. I swear, I can almost smell the Toxic Avenger’s second coming here (no, really, I’m kidding)! In truth, this production is looking to be quite stellar, as it was filmed in five countries on three continents over three-and-a-half years. Both the National Broadcasting Company of Finland (YLE) and the Finnish Film Foundation (Suomen Elokuvasäätiö) are behind this project, and that means major firepower once it comes out. This is no small budjet movie, folks!
“Spandex Sapiens is the story of Michael Majalahti aka StarBuck, a lonely son of a Canadian preacher man who becomes the striving pioneer of professional wrestling in faraway Finland, only to find himself contested both physically and ideologically by the young transsexual wrestler Jessica Love, who even follows him to Japan on his big break.”
www.spandexsapiens.com
Below are some photos from the filming process of the Spandex Sapiens documentary movie, taken by photographer Jan Ahlstedt.
My movie rival, transsexual wrestler Jessica Love, looks on at the filmed segments between takes with writer Ilja Rautsi and director Oskari Pastila.
A fight or flight scene from Suomenlinna, off of the coast of Helsinki, in damp and extremely chilly October weather.
StarBuck and Jessica Love duke it out in the middle of nowhere.
Join the new Facebook group for Spandex Sapiens, and get regular updates HERE.
You can also join my personal StarBuck Facebook fanpage HERE.
There are some things in this life that one simply does not do: You never mess with another man’s ego, you never mess with another man’s money and you never mess with another man’s wife.
Last night, I wrestled what anyone could have considered a very game match against reigning BWA (British Wresting Alliance) Catchweight champion, Valentine. WWE talent scout and 30-year wrestling veteran Robbie Brookside of England was slated to wrestle Valentine at FCF Wrestling’s DOMination 8: Gods of the North event in Helsinki, but the condition of his knees was so bad that Robbie had to pull out of the bout at the last moment. Brookside has a long history of knee troubles over his wrestling career, and after several knee surgeries, his joints no longer have the needed cartiledge to make the rounds. Regardless, Robbie is a brave soul, who manages to still be able to wrestle actively on his good days, when his knees allow him to do so. Yesterday, however, was not a good day for Robbie Brookside as far as his knees were concerned, so he opted to referee, as I filled in as the challenger for Valentine’s BWA title.
Robbie Brookside holding a seminar for the wrestlers in Helsinki
What was initially a very sportive and competitive encounter turned nasty when I countered one of Valentine’s moves and the momentum sent him sailing over the top rope to the floor. Truth be told, I had the champion on the run for the better half of the 20:10 bout, and as the match went on, I was clearly taking over. When Valentine returned to the ring after his spill, he was visibly disgruntled and bent out of shape. Perhaps the frustration of not getting his hoped-for title defense against the legendary Brookside aggrevated Valentine more than he initially let on, as a potentially successful defense over the BWA Catchweight title would have put major momentum on Valentine’s title reign and resumé. Whatever the reason for his ill feelings, after stepping back into the ring, Valentine hit a suckerpunch and then proceeded to stomp the living daylights out of me. As Brookside tried to pry Valentine off of my fallen frame in the ring corner, after the champion refused to comply with the 5-count to break his assault in the corner, Valentine then cheap-shotted Brookside with a blow and stomped him also.
Following his actions, Valentine exited the ring and walked out on the match. Only he didn’t simply leave. He stopped in front of my valet and wife, Diana – known in wrestling as Miss D – and as she protested his actions, he aggressively slammed her backwards into the ring apron. Both Brookside and I were down when this happened, and we couldn’t stop the bastard’s actions. My wife took a nasty blow, the results of which you can see in the photo below, as of today.
As of last night, Valentine is a dead man walking, as far as this man is concerned. As I promised to the people on hand at Domination 8 in Helsinki after the debacle, not only will I take Valentine’s title, I will shorten his career.
This will not be forgotten, and trust me when I tell you — it’s etched in concrete in my memory.
A photo taken by a fan, posted on Facebook, of Valentine’s despicable actions to my wife
Dead man walking.
On Saturday, March 2nd, I traveled to Brugge, Belgium for the Eurostars promotion, which is based out of France. Belgium signaled my 18th country in the professional wrestling industry, since my ring debut in 1994. Below is a photo gallery of my main event outing from that event, where I took part in a Four Continents Cup elimination match, representing my homeland of Canada. You can access my column and article about the experience at The Wrestling Press online.
starbuck.fi 
StarBuck for voice-overs
Posted: August 2, 2013 in Life, Odds and EndsTags: commentary, Dictum, english, Finland, narration, StarBuck, voice-over
If you are in the need of powerful and expressive corportate english or general voice-over work, you can book me through Finland’s oldest company of the said ilk by clicking this LINK.